Cameron and Clegg – two very dangerous Lollipop Ladies
I am getting increasingly nervous. You should take note. It is uncharacteristic. I am just not the nervous type. I used to be a lawyer making vital decisions under extreme duress and I didn’t get nervous. I am now an actor going in front of critical audiences, sometimes with material of questionable quality, and I don’t get nervous. I once flew with a budget airline, the crew of which miscounted the passengers three times and could not seem to work out the on-board cafetière and I didn’t even break a sweat.
So, when I get this knot in my stomach I know it spells bad news.
And I have been getting the “knot”. Every time I see David Cameron’s sweaty, fake-tanned face on the news speaking sentences v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y, as if he has to say everything in his head first to ensure it does not contain any word that may cause anyone to panic, I panic a little. Every time I see Nick Clegg’s bloodshot eyes darting around the room while claiming that the fact the Coalition has not published a growth plan, doesn’t mean they don’t have one, I get flashbacks of a friend telling our high-school teacher that the dog had eaten his homework.
Not that I have a particular fear of incompetence – we all live with it every day. We know how to cope. We change, we cover, we adapt, we moan, we patch. Incompetence cloaked in denial, however, is an entirely different thing.
A large portion of the country do not wish to admit that last May we made a mistake. They are in denial. A large percentage of politicians do not wish to admit that forming the Coalition was the worst decision since a Trojan night-doorman was heard saying “what a lovely wooden horse – of course I’ll sign for it”. They are in denial. Most frightening, the government seem unable to admit that they have bitten off more than they can chew. Those boys look tired, lost, beaten. Unable to admit that having apparent skill in opposition may not be the same as having the actual skills required for government.
Any Lollipop Lady can wave a paddle, but is that qualification enough to handle a multi-billion auction?
Reliable sources are warning, in the strongest terms, of a double-dip recession. Figures indicate a lack of growth not seen since the early 90s. And don’t forget my “knot”!
What do we do? Wait until someone shouts “GOING, GOING, GONE”?