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Why I love Melanie Philips, Jan Moir, Liz Jones and all @ the Daily Mail

February 4, 2011

I was watching Question Time this evening and I had a revelation. I love Melanie Philips.

A controversial, some may say scandalous position, I grant you, but hear me out. What is the real danger that columnists like her present?

Is it their palaeolithic views? Nope. I defend to the death their right to hold them and express them – that is the way of a free society that they so abhor. Is it that they are given a forum to address others who are as impenetrably backward? Again nope. I like a Daily Mail reader. They are easy to spot, easy to upset – one knows exactly where one stands with them. Is it that they think all gay folk are involved in some perpetual, promiscuous, sleazy, sexual merry-go-round (and no straight folk are). They are entitled to their envy, aren’t they? Is it that they start sentences with “Part of the problem of being a liberal society, especially one obsessed with human rights” as if they are about to reveal the tip of an iceberg towards which we all are heading – like some homosexual, environmentally conscious, welfare-funded Titanic? Not in a country where political debate is encouraged. They are perpetually just a few seconds away from looking stupid.

The real danger is much subtler and stealthier. It rests on their ability to make otherwise rational men and women scream abuse at their television set. That elusive je-ne-sais-quoi that makes the most tolerant human being want to be violent in ways only fathomed by Apollinaire in his darkest moments. The bizarre and paradoxical desire they create in a peaceful man like me, to make them repeat their spiel into a hanky laced with Methoxyflurane.

And so, I have decided, no more. These people are as they are because of the hatred that surrounds them. In a twisted way, they probably feed off it. And so I say: Melanie, I love you. Jan, I love you. Liz, I love you. Daily Mail, I love you. I put my liberal, tree-hugging, petition-signing, metrosexual, hairy arms around you and have nothing but forgiveness, tolerance and undestanding for you.

Suck on that.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. May 19, 2011 10:54 pm

    Excellent! Difficult to accomplish, of course, after years of automatic apoplectic reaction, but to think how much they’d hate it…. ah yes!

  2. Kay Fabe permalink
    January 27, 2012 6:58 am

    I don’t read Liz Jones, or Jan Moir, or Melanie Philips. I’ve tried, but I can’t find anything to interest me. Ok they’re loonies, but so what? If they’re on the telly, I won’t watch it. If they’re in the press, I won’t read it. If more people followed my sterling example in this regard, there simply wouldn’t be any Liz Jones, or Jan Moir or Melanie Philips to complain about. So let’s all move along, shall we?

    • January 27, 2012 11:06 am

      I totally agree that it’d be better if more people ignored them – but I don’t think that would make them disappear. Much as I’d like to think they were wild outliers shouting at the mainstream in an attempt to provoke people into attention, do you not think they actually have a large readership who (at least partially) agree with them?

      • Kay Fabe permalink
        January 27, 2012 2:27 pm

        Perhaps we should consider them weathervanes then, and only refer to them to see which way the low-browed knuckle-dragging variety of public opinion is blowing its chunks this week.

  3. January 27, 2012 12:37 pm

    I love this, and I must admit I focus in on Melanie and tune in when she’s on because she drives me to heightened states of emotion that in my day to day drudgery I often don’t get to, she makes my blood course through my veins and reminds me I’m alive and human!

  4. January 28, 2012 8:12 am

    The problem is not the emotions they stir in the right thinking people on the left but the emotions they stir in the wrong thinking people on the right. Their continual appearance in the media legitimises the hatred that this section of the right puts into practice in their everyday lives. The racist, sexist insults on the streets, the football chants, the abuse of the disabled and the cuts in welfare for the poor. Philips, Littlejohn and his apprentice Liddle contribute to the physical attacks on minorities.
    I can laugh at the out of this world Rees Mogg tories and the tap dancing Widdicombes but the gutter hugging Philips etc scare me almost as much as it probable scares the direct victims of their abuse.

  5. Nick permalink
    January 28, 2012 1:57 pm

    Do you not think that much of what you have just said regarding the Daily Mail could be said about the Guardian. The Guardian used to employ ‘real journalists’ it now employs far too many activists, feminists and champagne socialists. Who are not too worried about facts as they generally don’t fit with their ideology. It now reads like the SWP paper.
    Think about the above before dismissing it. It’s all true

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