The Lands where The Tories live

An enormous hat tip to the genius of Edward Lear and his creation, The Jumblies.

               I

They went to sea in a Sieve, they did,
   In a Sieve they went to sea:
In spite of what the voters did say,
On a stormy morn, on the sixth of May,
   In a Sieve they went to sea!
And when the Sieve turned round and round,
And economists cried, 'You'll all be drowned!'
They called aloud, 'Our Sieve ain't big,
But we don't care a button! we don't care a fig!
   In a Sieve we'll go to sea!'
      Far and few, far and few,
         Are the lands where the Tories live;
      Their heads are hard, and their hands are blue,
         And they went to sea in a Sieve.

               II

They sailed away in a Sieve, they did,
   In a Sieve they sailed so fast,
With only a PR man at the helm,
without any compassion for this fair realm,
   Act after Act they passed;
In spite of what the experts feared,
They imposed their cuts in a manner weird,
Even where they had said 'we won't make a mess',
Even when it came to the NHS,
   They could not escape their past!
      Far and few, far and few,
         Are the lands where the Tories live;
      Their heads are hard, and their hands are blue,
         And they went to sea in a Sieve.


		III

The water it soon came in, it did,
   The water it soon came in;
And when it had reached ankle and leg,
they blamed it all on a man called Clegg,
   Bacause he was not of their kin;
He cried, he wailed, he complained of stress,
But his crocodile tears did not impress,
And confronted with his first major storm,
His beloved pet, his election reform,
   He unfortunately failed to win!
      Far and few, far and few,
         Are the lands where the Tories live;
      Their heads are hard, and their hands are blue,
         And they went to sea in a Sieve.

	          IV

They turned to a man for help, they did
   in the midst of this deadly descent;
But the man was young, his brain was weak,
it was perfectly clear within a week,
   he could not calculate ten per cent.
With inflation up, unemployment high,
Indicators indicating the end was nigh,
Despite all his efforts, however inept,
In the budget deficit, in the national debt,
   he did not make so much as a dent!
      Far and few, far and few,
         Are the lands where the Tories live;
      Their heads are hard, and their hands are blue,
         And they went to sea in a Sieve.

		V

And the sieve eventually sank, it did
   the sieve eventually sank;
But an inexplicable twist of fate,
Not seen since the eighties, at any rate,
   the drowned were not those that sank.
It was we who had warned them against their stunt,
It was we who objected that got the brunt.
It was we on dry land that had to pay
who had told them and told them they should not stray.
   And they all went to work for a bank.
      Far and few, far and few,
         Are the lands where the Tories live;
      Their heads are hard, and their hands are blue,
         And they went to sea in a Sieve.